It's probably been 13 years....

Yes, I would say it's been 13 years since I spent my birthday....the actual day of my birth.....with the one who brought me into this world. Therefore, it struck me this year that it is definitely time to celebrate the day with her.

It hit me suddenly as I was thinking about my mid-week birthday this year. Scheduled for the evening shift, I really didn't want to work on this day so I took a long-awaited vacation day. Then I realized, what am I going to do?Everyone has to work and I sure as heck don't want to spend this day like any other day of the week I may have off. That's when God put the idea into my head that my retired mom would probably love to spend the day with me.

The excitement that overwhelmed me when this idea popped into my head was quite a surprise. See, I wouldn't say my mom and I have the greastest mother-daughter relationship. To be honest, there are issues on so many levels. Yet, I can't deny that we both do love each other and want each other to be happy. When I thought about the idea of calling my mother and telling her I would be spending my birthday with her I felt like a little girl getting ready to show Mom my numerous A's on my report card. I knew it would make her happy. I knew it would give her a boost and make her smile.

Come to find out, I was right. I called her just the other day and asked her if she had plans on February 25th. She said "no". I then told her I wanted to come down to see her and go out to eat for my birthday. Guess what I heard??.......I heard some excitement in my mom's voice. This is huge. See, unless the Cubbies are playing exceptionally, excitement in my mother's voice is hard to come by these days. I'm not trying to degrade my mother here. That isn't my intention. I just know my mom has struggled with genuine happiness for over 20 years now. I know she thinks she is alone and very few care. The fact of the matter is, we do care....but there is only so much we can do. But when the opportunity arrives and I can take time out of my life to actually give her a boost, I hope I can try to seize the moment and do so. I saw the moment this time, and I went for it.

I was thrilled to make her happy. I truly was. As a matter of fact, I think this has turned around back to me and has already given me a feeling of that "Happy Birthday" everyone says we should have. The idea of it really gives me a feeling of hopeful anticipation. Now I can only put it in God's hands and trust that the actual visit will be as joyful, peaceful, and memorable as I know it can be.

Build Like I Have Never Built Before

I think unlike any other year, I have set some real, life-changing, and healthy goals for the year 2009. Not only have I set these goals, I am so excited to tackle and conquer them. I feel with so much of me that this year is going to be the biggest changing point in my entire life. This year will be the base of the of the rest of my lifetower. The old lifetower will be beside me, but I know it is time to build anew.

See, with my whole being I believe that 2008 was supposed to be what it was. I hate to admit that, but I truly believe that God looked down upon me and said, "OK, it's time to for a change. I have a Divine plan for you (as He does for all), and even though you have touched on and used your gifts here in there, I want more". To get my attention, though, a part of my life had to crumble. My heart had to be crushed for my eyes to be opened. Opened to my sins, my gifts, my blessings, my wastefulness, and to Him. During the crushing, I hit rock bottom. I made terrible choices and it took me hitting the ground hard to turn to Him. Which is something I should have done from the begining. But I finally did turn to Him, and here I am. I pray every day that I remember how much my life can be turned around when I do turn to Him and turn away from Satan.

2008 was hard. I crumbled. But the crumbling was for a reason. See, all of those parts and pieces and sloshiness, were the bricks, the motor, the cement, the stones and the wood that would be needed to build the foundation I am building now. The building project has begun. I will go at it with Faith behind me full speed ahead. I pray that I can work through the rainy days as well as the sunny days, and be grateful for both. I have too much to do to falter or procrastinate, for this is only the base. This is only the foundation.

Only God knows how tall and wide my life tower will be. That all depends on His plan and time for me on earth. All I know is that I have a "fire in my belly" (as said best by Joyce Meyer") to set and reach my goals for this year, only to set and reach more for years to come.