If anyone knows me well at all, they know I absolutely love the idea of being a mother. I do not have any children of my own, but not for lack of trying. After many tries, I just came to the conclusion that currently having a baby is not what the Good Lord has planned for me. Accepting this fact was very hard for me...and even contributed to the mild depression I reached a year ago I'm sure....but nonetheless, it is a fact I have accepted.
It amazes me though, how quickly I can go into "mom mode". I was bit by the "baby bug" this past weekend, and if I know me I will be feeling the affects for quite some time. See, Amanda and I babysat her 4 month old nephew for two nights and two days. Although the disruption was quite hectic and stressful, the feeling of love and warmth fulfilled me more and more with each moment I spent with him. Seeing his beautiful smile. Listening to his helpless cry. Watching him curiously take in all of his surroundings. Holding him close to my chest as he slept. All of it was so precious to me.
When it was time to bring him back, my tired body and selfish motives had no problem dropping him off at his grandma's house. But it took no more than twenty four hours later and the desire to see his face and comfort him came over me. I found myself missing him. I then realized, I had let my walls down and was bitten by the baby bug. I guess no matter how much I distance myself from the idea of having a baby, the baby bug gets me every time. I will not complain, though. I thank God for all of the gifts he has given me, and my motherly instinct is definitely at the top of that list.
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