My surroundings

Almost every morning I read a passage from a devotional book. The current one I am reading is based on and written by the same author of "90 Minutes in Heaven". I have truly enjoyed this book and it has become quite the inspiration to me giving me thoughts to ponder and re-direct my thoughts and emotions. Yesterday when reading my passage, I realized that even though I have faltered several times, I have been making great steps towards healing and bringing light into my life.

Anyone that truly knows me right now can without a doubt know I have been struggling for quite some time. I'm in what the author of this book would call a "new normal". Unfortunately, this "new normal" is something I prayed would never come about....it was one of my biggest fears. See, on January 1, 2008 the love of my life decided to leave me, our house, and what had been our life for over 5 years. Details are not necessary to put forth here, but the impact on my heart is. I was devesated and to this day...going on 5 months later...I still hurt every single day.


Although I have allowed this hurt to sometimes overpower me, my strong stubborn side of me has also made some steps in the right direction to at least heal a part of this broken heart. The passage I read yesterday was based on a Bible verse (Philippians 4:8) that contained a quote of "whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are ure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report......think on these". In translation, the author went onto explain the importance of surrounding yourself with those things that are lovely and pure. Those things that just ooze God's greatest works and passion.


I began to think about this. Am I doing this? It didn't take me long to realize I could pat myself on the back. I looked around and thought of my daily activities and latest ventur. I then realized I was doing my best to trudge through my darkness by surrounding myself and trying to surround myself with good, pure, lovely things and projects.


The books I'm reading consist of motivational, Christian, uplifting, prayerful thoughts. On one hand, I try and wake up with my devotional book I've already mentioned. On the other, there are many nights I go to bed with a book by Joyce Meyers called "I Dare You" which consists of wonderful thoughts and suggestions on how to live and see life with passion. I consider these my "honest and just" surroundings.


One of the activities I am diving into lately is planting beautiful flowers in my backyard. I have found a love for gardening which I am sure was instilled in me over 20 years ago by my father. I love sitting on my deck in June and July just looking at the simple beauty of nature. I believe it takes looking at just one bloom or one spurt of growth to be in admiration and thankfulness of life and God's works. I consider this one of my "lovely" surroundings.


Another activity I am in the begining stages of is becoming a Big Sister for Big Brothers Big Sisters. I have passion for children and helping others. I saw this program as a great opportunity to bring the two together. I get to meet my "Little Brother" next week. I truly can't wait. I consider this one of my "pure" surroundings.

Among other surroundings I believe this verse is speaking of is simply the company one keeps. I have come to realize lately how huge this is. Surrounding myself with those that believe in these type of surroundings is key as well.

It was just in the very near past that I found myself being enclosed in more of the negative surroundings then the positive. Although I knew what was right, I allowed myself to stay in the darkness the majority of the time. I couldn't get myself to take that first step to the light...to the pure. By no means am I completely in the light. By no means am I saying I will not take steps backwards. I am human. I will falter and I know there will be many times the sadness and anger will overtake me. But I am truly happy to look around myself and see many of my surroundings. It makes me smile.