I was bit by the baby bug

If anyone knows me well at all, they know I absolutely love the idea of being a mother. I do not have any children of my own, but not for lack of trying. After many tries, I just came to the conclusion that currently having a baby is not what the Good Lord has planned for me. Accepting this fact was very hard for me...and even contributed to the mild depression I reached a year ago I'm sure....but nonetheless, it is a fact I have accepted.

It amazes me though, how quickly I can go into "mom mode". I was bit by the "baby bug" this past weekend, and if I know me I will be feeling the affects for quite some time. See, Amanda and I babysat her 4 month old nephew for two nights and two days. Although the disruption was quite hectic and stressful, the feeling of love and warmth fulfilled me more and more with each moment I spent with him. Seeing his beautiful smile. Listening to his helpless cry. Watching him curiously take in all of his surroundings. Holding him close to my chest as he slept. All of it was so precious to me.

When it was time to bring him back, my tired body and selfish motives had no problem dropping him off at his grandma's house. But it took no more than twenty four hours later and the desire to see his face and comfort him came over me. I found myself missing him. I then realized, I had let my walls down and was bitten by the baby bug. I guess no matter how much I distance myself from the idea of having a baby, the baby bug gets me every time. I will not complain, though. I thank God for all of the gifts he has given me, and my motherly instinct is definitely at the top of that list.

President Obama

My mom just called me the other day and said "so, did you win your vote?" I said, "Yes, I did!". I thought I would share my excitement and hopefulness about the election of Obama to the presidency.

See, I was one of the many that voted for President Elect Obama on Tuesday, November 4, 2008. Why? Well, I whole-heartedly believe the United States is in a long standing rut that has caused tremendous challenges and issues for the people living here today. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE this country. I don't thank God enough for the overwhelming gratitude I have that He allowed me to be born in the greatest country in the world. BUT, I know this country can be better. We have great people and the foundation on which this country was built is the best in the entire world.

What I liked about Obama is that he recongized this. He instilled hope of a revolution in us. Now, I know that "they all make promises" and we have absolutely no guarantee that we will be getting the "change" that Obama has promised. But, I have more faith in Obama than I have in anyone that has run for the Presidency in my lifetime.

He made me believe. Why? Maybe it was his charisma. Maybe it was his down-to-earth attitude on life no matter where he was or who he was with. Maybe it was the fact that he is young and young people are less "set in there ways" and more apt to make changes occur. Acutally, it is probably all the above. Bottom line, I have hope that change will come. I have hope that we can only go up from here. Best of all, despite his race, age and "lack of experience" many others believed this as well. Because of this, voters came out of the woodwork (me included) and put their democracy to work. The foundation of this great country rose again when this man was brave enough himself to step forward, speak his mind, and challenge the people do the same. We met the challenge and now it is time to step into the future with more hope than many of have had in a very long time.

I trust that He is where he is supposed to be. May God bless him and be by his side in his quest.

I'm back

I haven't posted on here since June! Sad, sad, sad. I know I should be posting. I know I should take the time. I think about it all the time, but still have let 4 months go by before I have even logged on to this site.

I have been very busy changing my life. A lot has happened since June 13, 2008. I am officially in a relationship again with the one I love. Lots of counseling, lots of praying, lots of effort, lots of communication. But we are happy and continue to work everyday to make it a stronger relationship than we have ever had.

Other quick tidbits on my life....I'm still with my Lil Brother and enjoy every moment I have with him. I feel fulfilled being a part of his young life.
I am still studying to be a trainer. I plan to finish this by next spring. I am already helping a friend lose weight, gain muscle and build her overall health and self esteem. Once again, very fulfilling.

Last major aspect about my current life....I have Jesus in my heart and life more than I have ever in my entire life. I'm trying each day to become a better Christian. Studying His word, praying, and just having a better overall attitude to life and people.

I have to go to work now....but I will be back soon.....I promise :o)

First outing with Little Brother

I just became a Big Sister for Big Brothers Big Sisters. Tonight was my first night out with my Lil Bro. He is 6 years old.

I just wanted to take a couple minutes and write a few words down about how much I my evening and how much I enjoyed it. I took him to a Springfield Sliders baseball game. I don't believe he has ever been to a game. His eyes were wide and he was full of questions. There is no shyness about this kid. If he wants to know something, he will just come right out and ask you. He is sharp as can be and soaks up everything around him like you wouldn't believe.

We watched an entire 9 innings and only a few times did he complain about how long it was taking. I taught him things like balls and strikes, the names of those men with blue shirts (umpires), how to read the scoreboard, the name of the place where the players sat (dugout), etc. I could see in his eyes he was just taking it in and processing it all. We ate dipping dots and a pretzel. He had his picture taken with Speedy the turtle mascot. We watched fireworks and at the end of the night he and a hundred other kids got to run the bases. It was a full 3 hours.

The thrill in his eyes was enough to make me glow inside. Not being around children much anymore, the night reminded me of how much I love them and why. They are challenging many times, but they are also so full of innocence just wanting to seek attention, knowledge, love, and fun from another. I am so thankful to have been led down the path that brought me to the decision of volunteering to be a Big Sis. I see my time with my Lil Bro as not only a time for him to learn and grow, but me too :)

If I'm gonna talk the talk, I need to walk the walk...rather run the run...

My entire life I have liked running about as much as my mother likes the St. Louis Cardinals.....there is true hatred there :). I've always tried to avoid long distance running (or even jogging) as much I could throughout my whole life. When I played basketball in highschool and college, my biggest fear was pre-season long distance running. I would get nauseated just at the thought of it. In my prime give me sprints upon sprints and I was fine, but throw that mileage at me and I cringed!

Then as I became older and went through two knee surgeries, I had myself a good excuse not to become a runner. That pounding on my already degenerative knee..."I can't do that". In the past two years, I have lost 30 pounds, but mostly by doing my favorite type of fitness training...lifting weights. I 'm an avid believer in weight training to build leaner, larger muscles and burn fat. It is a great way to boost one's metabolism. I have even done some aerobic excercise consisting of the elliptical and bike. I have majorly avoided the running...even on the treadmill.

Recently I have had an epiphany. In the past two weeks, I have had friends talk to me about running, I have read about running in every book and magazine I have picked up, I have had co-workers suggest running in fundraisers. The signs are everywhere! I chose to ignore them for a bit, and give my normal "I'm not a runner" line. But it is not in my nature to ignore something that keeps popping up and grabbing my attention. Many times I see this (especially if it is something of good virtue and good for me) as a sign.....as God directing me in a certain way. Another life lesson. Another goal.

The dreaded "running" word just kept popping up. Then last Saturday at a cookout, a friend of mine asked myself and several of my friends, if they wanted to run in the Abes Amble. This is a 10k (or 6.2 mile) run in August. My initial reaction was, "I don't know about that. I can't run!". Then the talk of training and preparing pursued throughout the night. I went to bed that night with this really weighing on my mind.

I woke up the next day and literally started talking to myself. For a good 10 minutes I became my own "life coach". I told myself how I need to start practicing what I preach. I am studying to be a fitness trainer. If I'm going to train others in all aspects of fitness (anaerobic and aerobic), I must be able to do it myself. I'm constantly telling others to face their fears and to step up to the plate and do things they don't like to do....because in the end a wonderful feeling of love for yourself awaits. At that moment, I realized I needed to stop the excuses. I needed to face up to it. I needed to burrow through the pain and fear of training and set this goal. God has even put friends and loved ones around me for support and motivation. How can I say no? The signs are everywhere....I can't ignore them any longer.

So I have started training. I have already made improvement in my distance. I need to stay focused and compare myself to no one else and take it one day at a time. I'm extremely sore right now and yes my joints (including my knee) do hurt. But it is not a debilitating pain. I'm not going to lie and say I feel great as I'm running or even when I've completed my jogging jaunt, but I will say the thought of reaching this goal and facing this fear is exhilarating!

My surroundings

Almost every morning I read a passage from a devotional book. The current one I am reading is based on and written by the same author of "90 Minutes in Heaven". I have truly enjoyed this book and it has become quite the inspiration to me giving me thoughts to ponder and re-direct my thoughts and emotions. Yesterday when reading my passage, I realized that even though I have faltered several times, I have been making great steps towards healing and bringing light into my life.

Anyone that truly knows me right now can without a doubt know I have been struggling for quite some time. I'm in what the author of this book would call a "new normal". Unfortunately, this "new normal" is something I prayed would never come about....it was one of my biggest fears. See, on January 1, 2008 the love of my life decided to leave me, our house, and what had been our life for over 5 years. Details are not necessary to put forth here, but the impact on my heart is. I was devesated and to this day...going on 5 months later...I still hurt every single day.


Although I have allowed this hurt to sometimes overpower me, my strong stubborn side of me has also made some steps in the right direction to at least heal a part of this broken heart. The passage I read yesterday was based on a Bible verse (Philippians 4:8) that contained a quote of "whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are ure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report......think on these". In translation, the author went onto explain the importance of surrounding yourself with those things that are lovely and pure. Those things that just ooze God's greatest works and passion.


I began to think about this. Am I doing this? It didn't take me long to realize I could pat myself on the back. I looked around and thought of my daily activities and latest ventur. I then realized I was doing my best to trudge through my darkness by surrounding myself and trying to surround myself with good, pure, lovely things and projects.


The books I'm reading consist of motivational, Christian, uplifting, prayerful thoughts. On one hand, I try and wake up with my devotional book I've already mentioned. On the other, there are many nights I go to bed with a book by Joyce Meyers called "I Dare You" which consists of wonderful thoughts and suggestions on how to live and see life with passion. I consider these my "honest and just" surroundings.


One of the activities I am diving into lately is planting beautiful flowers in my backyard. I have found a love for gardening which I am sure was instilled in me over 20 years ago by my father. I love sitting on my deck in June and July just looking at the simple beauty of nature. I believe it takes looking at just one bloom or one spurt of growth to be in admiration and thankfulness of life and God's works. I consider this one of my "lovely" surroundings.


Another activity I am in the begining stages of is becoming a Big Sister for Big Brothers Big Sisters. I have passion for children and helping others. I saw this program as a great opportunity to bring the two together. I get to meet my "Little Brother" next week. I truly can't wait. I consider this one of my "pure" surroundings.

Among other surroundings I believe this verse is speaking of is simply the company one keeps. I have come to realize lately how huge this is. Surrounding myself with those that believe in these type of surroundings is key as well.

It was just in the very near past that I found myself being enclosed in more of the negative surroundings then the positive. Although I knew what was right, I allowed myself to stay in the darkness the majority of the time. I couldn't get myself to take that first step to the light...to the pure. By no means am I completely in the light. By no means am I saying I will not take steps backwards. I am human. I will falter and I know there will be many times the sadness and anger will overtake me. But I am truly happy to look around myself and see many of my surroundings. It makes me smile.

Nutrition...its all about education and discipline.

It never ceases to amaze me how little the average American understands simple nutrition. Not only do they not understand the ramifications of what they put in their mouths, but they do not even try to educate themselves even though there are resources upon resources at their fingertips!

The other day, I simply explained to an acquaintance the importance of iron in her diet in order to raise her blood count and prevent her chronic anemia. Why a doctor hasn't explained this to her, I am unsure. Maybe a doctor has. I dont know?? But she seemed amazed to learn that iron was essential to help her hemoglobin levels increase and in turn give her more energy due to the amount of oxygen that could be delivered to her organs. When I asked her what her diet consisted of, it was evident that she wasn't eating near enough iron. I explaind to her how leafy greens, red meat, and some beans and nuts are great sources of iron. I went on to tell her that simply taking a multi-vitamin with iron would help as well. She looked at me and smiled and thanked me with true gratitude for sharing this knowledge with her. When she walked away, I felt great that I could help and could only hope she would improve her diet and start taking supplements. Yet, I was amazed that this simple information was never explained to her before. I sometimes take it for granted that the average person understands all of this.

Now don't get me wrong, I was once one of the millions who didn't educate myself or care to either. I possess a Bachelors Degree in Biology and Medical Technology, but yet didn't bring my brain to the basics of nutrition and how it was affecting my health and fitness. I was young! I was invincible! I could eat whatever and be fine. I had great metabolism! It wasn't until that "great metabolism" slowed down that I started looking into strategies to lose weight. I will be honest, I was looking into this at first in order to just lose weight. I did my own version of the low carb thing for an easy fix. I paid very little attention to the nutritional and health aspects of it.

I then noticed the quick detioration of my mother's health due to her late onset of diabetes. I remembered my father's painful death from colon cancer. I looked around me at the numerous overweight, sickly individuals that surrounded me in my healthcare field. I didn't want that to happen to me. Although, I understnad genetics has a huge impact on many diseases I knew I could change my lifestyle for the better to improve my chances of not suffering. Even suffering from simple things that were already affecting me...i.e. constant heartburn. So what did I do? I do what I do best, I did research . I then proceeded to change my lifestyle with nutrition and exercise.

I am a firm believer that excess sugar is the number one reason Americans are so overweight with so many health problems. Excess sugar in our diets keeps the pharmaceutical companies in business. It has even been shown to be a cause for depression and anxiety. Still, it is not only essential to know the excess of this addictive legal white substance causes the many issues humans fight, but it is just as important to understand the lack of the numerous nutrients our body needs. It's all about getting back to the basics. Back to the natural foods God has provided for us.

Don't get me wrong, I am far from perfect!! Anyone that knows me knows I still have my vices. I also still eat "the bad stuff". That will never go away. Our world today has too many temptations, and I have developed many bad habits that I may never completely shake. I believe you should still enjoy life. Still enjoy the gifts of taste, feelings, excitement, etc. that God has given us. Still, I believe it is all about balance. Making sure "the good" way outweighs "the bad".

Now if we could just get the average American to break the cycle. To step away from their addictions. Too look at their diet from the outside looking in, rather than listening to the brain who has been trained for years to want the quick, easy, convenient food. If more people would want to look at their hunger and cravings from a different perspective and re-train the brain.

I want to do my part to help others. I hope to do this in my future part-time career as a ceritified fitness trainer. The main issue, though, is that the people have to want to hear it. They have to want to change. When I can help others and they do make changes, it makes me feel so good. It can be as simple as telling someone how much their energy level can increase by just adding some more iron to their diet. It's all about basics. No rocket science. Basics of nutrition is what I want to share. I guess I will see if others are willing to listen....

Introduction

The best way to start everything is with an introduction. Intros allow people to set their mind in the right direction. The direction in which any piece of work or project is intended to go.

In this introduction, I am not going to go into too much detail about myself or my life. These details, I believe, will slowly be rolled out in each journal entry I write. Much of what you need to know about me as a person and individual is in the "About Me" section of this site. There is no reason to bog the first entry with my life story. What I will say here, though, is that I have been through many life changes in the past three years. I have faced a lot of challenges and disappointments, but I have recently realized how much I have learned and can grown from all that I experience and do in this earthly life.

In this blog site, I hope to not only talk about my day to day life and happenings but their effects upon me. I hope, no matter what emotion I may be feeling, I can show how my experiences can inspire and enlighten me. Knowing my analytical self, I am sure many of my journal entries will be "deep". But I hope to have many light-hearted and humorous entries as well. Also, knowing my spritiual self, I forsee many Christian references and approaches to my writings. God has always been an important part of my life and literally my life saver many times throughout the years.

Still, exactly what lies ahead for this site is not known for sure. Just like life, nothing is set in stone. Everything is ever-changing and absolutely nothing is 100% predicatable. Whether the changes initially seem good or bad, that is what keeps life fresh and new. It is what stimulates our minds and our hearts. I hope my journal entries can mirror life in this same fashion.